Abortion Was Difficult Enough Before Technology Elevated My Fear

I believed Roe v. Wade would remain part of the legal fabric of our country’s culture forever. It protected my college abortion—one of the best decisions of my life. In my view, a woman’s right to dictate what to do with her body was a permanent stance. I read the leak from the Supreme Court as nothing more than a scare tactic by political parties stirring the pot.Then, additional news landed in my inbox, flashing warnings of the impending blow to women’s healthcare.Meta Pixel lives within the code of thousands of sites (hospitals, crisis pregnancy centers, newspapers). The tracking tool responds to search keywords such as “terminate pregnancy” or “schedule abortion,” downloading information as personal as names, addresses, phone numbers and even medical alerts, a discovery found in a joint investigation by the Markup and STAT. The pixel sends the data into storage on Facebook, whether a user remains logged into the app or not, and remains for years, a startling revelation found in a joint investigation by the Markup and Reveal. And any company—or legal system—with access to the system can obtain the information.The leak and 26 states waiting to trigger abortion bans became real. As did the anti-abortion activists howling for the prosecution of anyone seeking or aiding a person seeking the procedure. I stared at my phone, laptop and computer and saw not objects of technological convenience but spy tools.And the one part of my abortion I never processed crept back over me: the fear.

Any company—or legal system—with access to the system can obtain the information.

I Had Privacy Concerns When I Got an Abortion in College

“Abortion is never acceptable under any circumstances.”My friend wasn’t shy about her stance on the topic, and neither were others in my dorm. We attended a top-ranked school for science, but we were in the middle of conservative Florida. Emotions ran high whenever the controversial topic arose in a conversation. And while social media was in its infancy in 2000, gossip circulates in insulated populations like a college campus.Roe v. Wade was legal, but the hostile environment turned me into a criminal evading detection from the moment I considered the procedure.I shoved my positive pregnancy test into a half-empty box of tissues, burying it in a trash bag of ramen cups and banana peels. I stared at the ceiling that night, waiting until my roommate started snoring before I carried the bag to the dumpster behind the building. And I threw it into the furthest corner, ensuring it would stay out of sight of anyone dumping their trash before the truck arrived in the morning.Lacking the tech smarts to hide my internet activity in those years, I avoided Google and its early search offerings. Instead, I found a corner out of sight of the library cameras to open the Yellow Pages. I huddled over the book and scribbled the first number I found on a scrap of paper torn out of a notebook. Then, I crumpled the note and pushed it to the bottom of my backpack.When I was ready to make the call, I skipped an afternoon class and waited for the dorm to empty. I circled the floor twice, listening at doors for sounds. Then, I locked my door, propping a chair under the handle on the off chance my roommate might return early. My hands shook as I dialed the number on the landline; radio speakers aimed at the door and window.Despite my right to the decision, I felt an overwhelming fear of persecution from my peers if they learned the truth. All it would take was one person and everyone would know. I was a little over a year from graduation, and I envisioned everything from potential job offers to my academic record getting torn away.I honestly believed a faceless mob of conservative feelings held that power.

The First Amendment Protects Anti-Abortionists

Before the advent of smartphones, protestors deployed analog methods to dissuade, track and humiliate patients at abortion clinics. Allowed to congregate outside, they tasked people with photographing anyone who approached or entered, capturing images of license plates entering parking lots.When I scheduled my appointment, the receptionist was blunt. “We recommend your driver stop a few blocks away. Cover the license plates. It will stop the protestors from getting their information.” She paused. “You may want to wear a hat or hood.”“This is legal, right?” I asked.Her voice was soft. “It’s legal, sweetie, but protestors look up cars and vandalize homes. We want to keep you safe.”I repeated, “This is legal,” in my head as my driver pulled the car into a deserted alley and we taped cardboard over the license plates. “This is legal” became a mantra as I pushed my hair under an old baseball cap and slid sunglasses on. I spoke, “This is legal,” aloud as protestors converged around the car, brandishing signs with human embryos and slogans such as, “I am a human life,” “I deserve to live,” and, “Abortion is murder” printed across them. Assault is illegal.But surrounding a frightened woman and waving signs in her face while screaming “murderer!” is considered a legitimate protest and protected by the First Amendment. The clinic didn’t have enough staff or volunteers to provide escorts, so I walked in alone.I held my hat tight, afraid a sign might bump the brim and knock it off, revealing enough of my face for a photo to identify me. Camera flashes blinded me through my sunglasses. It was a sick gauntlet of aggressive paparazzi.I looked back once to ensure my driver was clear of the fray. I didn’t want her to suffer because of me. Her car turned the corner as I reached the door, cardboard safely in place.I collapsed into a seat in the curtained waiting room, leaving my sunglasses on so no one could see me cry.

The clinic that performed my abortion was broken into and vandalized regularly.

Social Media Is Not Subject to HIPAA

Roe v. Wade was legal in 2000. That didn’t prevent patients and clinics from suffering abuse and persecution.The clinic that performed my abortion was broken into and vandalized regularly. They had everyone pay with a cashier’s check to prevent paper trails. A police officer escorted all of us to our drivers in the afternoon—the only time they could spare. The clinic moved twice to attempt to evade protestors.Organizations always found them.The nurses and doctors who cared for me demonstrated patience and compassion and deserved better treatment. It’s why I raised my voice among the pro-choice movement, determined to speak up on their behalf. I watched in furious disbelief as crisis pregnancy centers paid for Google ads in later years, disguising themselves as abortion resources. The religious groups stole graphics, mimicking genuine clinics and misleading women with lies.No one prosecuted them.And then, the Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade. My fear of a faceless mob tracking everything to do with abortion returned full force. Except now, those fears were confirmed, aided and abetted by social media giants. Worse, Facebook isn’t subject to the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act (HIPAA). Nor are popular period tracking apps many have come to rely on. Technology people felt comfortable using turned on them. Overnight, our sense of privacy disappeared, replaced by fear.I turned off my phone, closed my eyes and felt myself transported to a corner of a college library, flipping through the Yellow Pages. Except this time, for thousands, that act teetered on the precipice of criminal.

I Am Tired of Being Afraid

When I scheduled my abortion, I feared the opinions and retaliations of a nameless entity. I ran from the anger and hatred of protestors. I allowed the panic of discovery to prevent me from speaking up for my rights.Now the same fears are alive for thousands of others.Every piece of technology holds the potential to reveal someone we know and love. And anti-abortion activists lie in wait to enact judgment.Despite having a legal right to my procedure, I allowed protestors to make me feel small, scared and criminal. And I regret the power that panic took from me.It makes me wonder how far we—as a sex, as a society—are willing to allow ourselves to fall before making a stand.Fear is a powerful emotion; it can debilitate or motivate. I hope this is a step toward motivation. Because I’m not willing to stay afraid any longer. It’s time to start talking.