How Church and Musical Theater Saved My Marriage

Six months ago, I saw my marriage hover over a cliff. I had failed my wife, and I was haunted by the nightmare of potentially losing my kids. 

My lifelong struggle with mental health and self-worth had gotten worse when my career cratered during the pandemic, causing many of my paying clients to go out of business or cut their freelance budgets. The lack of income triggered dark thoughts and negative energy, which led me to be another galaxy away from my wife. Not only did I stop considering her emotional needs, but my shame over my finances led me to secretly dig into a line of credit, pile on debt, and even betray my kids by taking their money. I justified my actions by promising I’d pay back every cent plus more when success came my way, but my depression made it really hard to be productive.

My wife made it clear that she could no longer trust or respect me, and our future together was uncertain. I felt hopeless, ashamed, and inadequate. I needed to do something drastic.

So I did all the typical things: I sought out personal therapy and marriage counseling, strategized about new ways of coping, and crafted a plan for paying back all the lost money. But to reconnect with the family that I was losing, I knew I needed to get out of my comfort zone. This meant returning to two things from my past: church and theater.

I realized church and theater were embedded in my family’s life, but not mine.

Both were major parts of my life when I was younger, but they were nothing more than vague memories by the time my marriage was in crisis. More than a decade ago, I realized I no longer believed in a Christian God or any religious god, so I cut out church from my life, even though my wife and then my kids still went every week. I loved drama class as a kid, and continued to do theater in high school. Many decades later, both of my kids are involved in a fantastic musical theater program and have fallen deeply in love with the art form. 

I realized church and theater were embedded in my family’s life, but not mine. My yearning for healing and bonding demanded that I revisit both. I saw them as two crucial things that I could share with my family. They were also something that could give me purpose and force me out of my emotional cave. 

But I still had doubts. I was afraid I wouldn’t fit in at church; it was the same one I went to when I was younger, so I worried about what people would think about my sudden appearance after such a long absence. I was nervous about congregation members swarming me with goals of conversion or challenging my beliefs. I wasn’t confident that I could last through a sermon without freaking out over the pastor spouting doctrines and creeds that I disagreed with or that offended me. I questioned if this was worth the potential torment of being surrounded by a faith I no longer had. 

The idea of doing musical theater also made me anxious. I always had a love for performing and watching my kids shine on the stage sparked my interest again, but I didn’t have any experience singing in front of crowds. The potential of being in a musical terrified me. My insecurities and damaged self-worth caused me to believe I was a horrible singer and that any attempt would be met with failure. I was convinced that I’d be embarrassed while also not getting the part.

Despite my crippling fears, I decided to take the risk of returning to church and auditioning for a musical. They were two of the smartest moves I made since asking my wife to marry me more than 15 years ago.

I felt accepted at the church almost immediately. So many people were genuinely excited to see me. No one has pushed for answers as to why I left or made it their mission to convert me. The pastor is incredibly humble and never talks about politics or condemns others’ beliefs. Instead, he approaches his sermons from the stance that we’re all broken and that faith is about healing while spreading love to others. Going to church again has equipped me with topics that I can discuss with my family, and I’ve recognized there is spiritual value in traditions like prayer even if I don’t subscribe to the faith anymore. It has given the entire family a sense of community and belonging, and I’ve learned to immerse myself in the positive aspects of religion like empathy, kindness, compassion, and humility.

And despite my lack of confidence in my singing, it was deemed good enough to land an ensemble part in the biggest musical the company ever put on. I had the honor to perform along with my wife and kids in front of an audience of more than a thousand patrons in a historic venue. The experience was an injection of self-confidence and energy. I felt my creative spirit soar so much that I wondered why I had taken so long to perform again. Friends, family, and audience members praised my stage presence and told me that I belonged up there. The compliment that mattered the most was when my wife declared that she was proud of me. I saw an admiration in her eyes that had been missing for years.

At the start of 2023, I would have never believed I would return to church or perform in a musical. But the damage I had done to my family meant that a major overhaul was mandatory. Our marriage does not resemble the end of a romantic comedy, where we have a happily ever after for now and forever. There is still a lot of work to recapture the love and repair the damage. But, partly thanks to church and musical theater, we are still together and committed to making things better.