I Got an Abortion Just Months After 𝙍𝙤𝙚 𝙫. 𝙒𝙖𝙙𝙚

This story is based on an interview with the editors of The Doe.

It was the summer of 1973 when I discovered I was pregnant. I was taking a hiatus from school at UCLA and I was working at the undergraduate student body government offices. My boyfriend was a year older than I was and we were in love. Actually, we were engaged when he left for a months-long trip to Europe. 

While he was gone, I missed my period. I went to a doctor because I was worried—they didn’t have home pregnancy tests back then. I was shocked when I found out, because he was the first person I had ever had relations with. We used condoms, and one must have broken. I don’t know how it happened. I was scared, but I was hopeful because we were engaged and I loved him. So I thought we could work it out.

Unfortunately, when he came home, he told me that he'd met someone else. 

Of course, I was devastated. It was just a terrible situation. I never told him I was pregnant because what was the point? He was moving on. Even when I randomly saw him years later, I never said anything. I was living with my parents and just didn't know where to turn. I grew up in a traditional Jewish family in Los Angeles with my two siblings. My parents were absolutely devoted to each other. They were married for almost 60 years before my dad passed away. In my house, sex was not talked about. And it was shocking to me to get pregnant because I was always the goody-two-shoes and never got in trouble. I thought, It couldn't happen to me.

Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like if abortion hadn't become legal earlier that year.

I would come into work and I'd be crying, because I’d been hiding all of it at home. Finally, I confided in my office coworker, a dear friend, who told me that Roe v. Wade had been decided in January. I was a little bit oblivious, I have to admit. I was a very sheltered and naive 21-year-old. I didn't know anyone who had had an abortion. This wasn't something we talked about.

I was just really lucky to have this coworker who was a little bit older than I was and very motherly. She asked me how I felt about keeping the baby, and I said, “I just don't think I can. I don't think it's something that I envision for my life. I do want children. I always wanted children, but not this way—you know, without a father.” So that's when she started investigating alternatives. I went to Planned Parenthood and I had counseling. My friend helped me arrange everything and came with me to the facility. She took me home to her house for a few days so that I didn't have to face my parents right away.

The actual abortion was very painful and I was scared to death. Getting over something like that doesn't happen overnight. There's that guilt that persists. Now, in retrospect, I know I did the right thing, but at the time you question yourself. 

My life is wonderful now and I have a beautiful family. I have a husband to whom I've been married for 46 years and we have two adult children who are raising their own families. I went on to get my teaching credential. I taught for many years and enjoyed my chosen path. But sometimes I wonder what it would have been like if abortion hadn't become legal earlier that year. My sister basically had the same situation I’d been dealt, but she's seven years older than I am, and she didn't have the options available to me. Her option was to marry the person who got her pregnant, though they did not love each other and never would have married. But, he married her, and they were divorced within a year. Their daughter is wonderful, but my sister never remarried. She led a single life and she made a life for herself, but not the one she would have chosen.

As for me, at one point, I asked my husband, Would you have been interested in me if I had a child? And he said, That’s not even the point, because we probably wouldn't have met. I would have been under very different circumstances. And, you know, he’s right.