I Accidentally Made a Porno at Work

Sharing this is cathartic for me, purely down to the initial level of embarrassment I had from the series of events in the first place. There is some sort of comfort in subverting my emotions by running with the accidental exhibitionism and turning it into an unrepentant voice—a real story to share of my co-workers witnessing me at my most exposed. So, here we go.With lockdown lifted where I live—and liberated as a young, single woman—I’ve been living my best life. It’s gotten sloppy and messy at times, but I’ve been loving it. I work for a handful of nightclubs in my small city and generally spend my weekends between all of these places, getting tipsy and having a great time. I’m a hard worker, but I like nothing more than to let off steam at night—usually by the combination of loud music, dark rooms, few clothes and uninhibited strangers.I’ve worked for one of these clubs for over three years now. Part of my job is working on duty as a bar supervisor, but most of the time at night, I have free rein to party since the majority of my work is outside of when the events are on. The team is like my family—mostly viewing me as this fun, bouncy liability with a good aura but far too much abandon on frequent occasions. Some of them are quite protective of me, but for the most part, they understand my personality, as they work in the industry too, which makes them just as liable to carelessness—on occasion.

I remember him pulling up his trousers and we rushed off back to the dance floor again.

I Took a Guy to the Backstage Area of the Club

One weekend, I'm at the club, and I’m staying late for this one. I’m pretty inebriated but still have enough clarity to know what I’m doing with my faculties. I have this guy in tow, and he’s exactly my type: the holy trinity of tall, dark and handsome. We’ve been flirting all night, and at one point in this chaotic rush, I decide to take the plunge and drag him to the back of the club, through a door into the backstage area. Finding a little hidden nook, we start making out, and it’s getting heavy. He has his hands all over me, and I’m feeling the heat start to race. I’ve known him for a little while, and I’ve always had a bit of a crush on him—and here I am with his entire body to access. The fire pours out of me through deep pants, moans and urgent gropes as I desperately explore his body through his clothes. We’re entangled in a messy, dirty embrace, our tongues playing with each other between frantic words and erratic movements. Something switches, and without thinking, I dip down onto my knees. I look up and see his face burning from the tension as I pull out his dick. I worship it with my entire face, the adrenaline giving me life. What’s life without risk and adventure anyway? His hands grip my hair as I go down on him, and I’d be lying if I said that the next 10 minutes or so weren’t a blur. Who knows what else we got up to—but what I do know is that I did that, thinking it was this perfect, outrageous secret.I remember him pulling up his trousers and we rushed off back to the dance floor again. I also explicitly remember thinking, “Fuck, that was FILTHY…I hope nobody saw it.”We parted ways that night as I had work to do the following day.

I Don’t Know Which of My Co-Workers Saw Me

Fast-forward to three weeks later. I arrive at the club to see my work family for a brand-new night that’s kicking off and immediately bounce up to my colleagues to say hello. When I ask where one of them in particular is, I’m told that he’s in the main office, a short walk from the club. I hadn’t been there in a while since I usually have no need to be, so I head over to find him. I’m buzzed in, and the first thing that I see makes my heart fucking drop.The office has been refurbished with some fancy new equipment, and there’s one part in particular that catches my eye: a series of enormous HDTV screens. They’re all turned on to show not just the corridors of the venue, but also…backstage. Including that little hiding place. Why has the CCTV been moved to where everyone works? What the fuck? I wince, sighing internally to myself, and pray that nobody was in here that night. As I chat with my colleague, I slip in a couple of leading questions.“How have I not seen the new setup! Have you guys been hanging out here often?”He turns to face me with an open, unassuming smile from preparing me a drink.“Oh yeah, all the time! People are in and out but there are always people on duty here—particularly on nights like this.”“Do you still debrief in here?”“Of course; we have pretty much most of the whole duty team here for the last hour.”I can’t believe that last answer. Fuck. Fuck. FUCK. That’s when it all happened.Who was in here? I feel my face flush. Wow. I find some respite in the fact that these lots are super open and accepting, but…wow. They must see me in a different light if they know about this.

I wonder if it looked good.

My Embarrassment Has Turned Into Intrigue

In the time after, I’ve reflected on who might have seen me. I can’t remember exactly who was on duty, as it changes most weeks. I have more questions. Did they see me, or did they watch me? What would their reaction have been? Laughter? Intrigue? If one person was there, would they have quietly been turned on? Shocked?I’ll never know the thoughts of my audience—or of whom it comprised. But there was definitely someone who saw my inadvertent pornographic movie. Now, whenever I go back, I’ll never know who might have been watching me, moment for moment, in what was nothing less than a compromising position.I have my guesses. I wonder how they see me now. With disdain? With apprehension? Or—with curiosity? The not knowing was at once mortifying, but I’m finding my perversion in it now. We’re all adults. It’s nothing that hasn’t been seen before. By sharing this, I feel as though I’m molding it into a fantasy that I’ll look back on fondly. I can own this. I never thought that I was that much of an exhibitionist, but maybe this could be the start of something beautiful. After all, what’s the saying?Aversion can turn into perversion.I wonder if it looked good.