I'm an Escort Who Fell in Love With My Client

When you’re an escort, falling in love with a client is a rare occurrence. As professionals, we train ourselves to suppress our emotions, maintaining a clear line between personal feelings and our work. Over the past 15 years in this business, I’ve learned to navigate the complex landscape of human emotions, focusing on the good in men despite their flaws and lies. This perspective gradually softened my initial resentment toward men and allowed me to approach my work with more compassion while keeping a wall of mental protection around me.

But when feelings come into play, the lines can blur, especially with long-term clients. There have been a few occasions over the years where clients have come close to capturing my heart. Still, I have never fallen for anyone. There was always a game to play and each time their mask slipped, it confirmed I was better off alone. 

That was the reality of my life and it was one I was comfortable with—until I met a particular client who changed everything.

This client entered my life during a period of personal healing and transformation. Unlike others, he made me feel emotionally safe, and our chemistry was undeniable from the start. He is different from any man I have ever met. As a woman who has been intimate with many, I knew this was something unique. For the first time in my life, I had a man kiss me in a way that made me feel more than I can possibly describe. My intuition increased so powerfully that I could feel when he was about to call, and within minutes he would. This was all incredibly new for me. 

My walls came down with him so easily. I had been engaged twice before escorting and I did not trust either of those fiances with my feelings the way I trusted this man. Initially, our encounters were strictly professional, but I found myself thinking about him all the time. His presence felt like home, a comforting familiarity that I hadn’t ever experienced. 

Loving him unconditionally taught me profound lessons about myself and my desires.

I began to open up to him over texts that broke the boundaries of client/escort relationships. Once I started, I could not seem to stop. I knew it was abnormal and I wondered if I had finally gone crazy, yet at the same time, it felt so natural. It was so needed and so wanted. I was no longer performing to be liked; I was saying to someone “This is me, all the good, all the bad. This is my life and who I am, and right now I do not know how I feel about myself.” It was both terrifying and exhilarating. To be so raw with another person, so vulnerable. I now understand I was trying to connect with him on a far deeper level than I had ever done with anyone. This was the person I wanted to trust my soul with, not just give my body to.

As our connection deepened, complications arose when I discovered he was engaged. This revelation was a harsh reminder of the boundaries I had set for myself. Yet, my feelings for him didn’t wane. Instead, loving him unconditionally taught me profound lessons about myself and my desires. He never tried to control or manipulate me like others had.

Instead, I found he encouraged my growth and self-discovery by saying very little. He would allude to his feelings with comments such as “maybe in the next life,” and when directly asked whether he wanted more from me than sex, he said “yes.” But it always felt like he was giving me time to find myself during this strange time in my life. I needed time to figure out my thoughts and feelings on my own. My love for him gave a meaning to life I had never considered before.

Ultimately, love requires courage—something neither of us had enough of. I moved away, knowing he would not act on his interest in me. I would remain an escort to him and he would maintain the life he had, it was easier for him, and I had the impression trust was hard for him to give. Our lives are very different. His requires a certain image that a woman doing what I do would never fit in to. We never saw each other again after I moved. He did stay in touch over the phone once in a while and during that time he did admit he wanted more with me, but he went on to have a family and we agreed we were both unable to change our lives for each other.  

When I moved, I tried leaving escorting. I rented a room and lived a “normal” life. It removed all my independence that I was used to and made me miserable. I struggled financially and emotionally. There is a comfort level that comes with the income I earn as an escort, which is hard to give up. I tried in the hope I would one day be able to have a healthy relationship, but I soon realized if it was not with him then I did not want it with anyone, so I went back to what works best for me (although I am in training for a new career that can give me some of the security and independence escorting offers). Meeting him made me want that for myself. However, meeting him also confirmed I would never be able to depend on a man. 

This experience has been one of the most transformative periods of my life. It taught me that love can touch anyone, regardless of their circumstances or profession. It wasn’t just about falling in love with someone else; it was about learning to love myself and realizing what I truly desire from life and who I want to show up as in the world. He is a mirror of everything I genuinely feel about myself, and not all of it is pretty. I accept myself for who I am and the road I chose to walk. In taking this road, I have seen the gray areas of life that many people do not want to look at, and I see there is beauty in it all.  

In placing conditions on love, I was keeping it out. I was pushing people away. But by being caught off-guard, by allowing someone in, I was finally able to experience what life has to offer and experience some magic along the way. Falling in love brought me home to my family from whom I had moved away. It opened me up to community and friends. It allowed me to love myself enough to say “I can do better for others than offering my body.” I am still figuring it all out, but life is not as lonely as it once was. I will always be grateful, even if it is not the ending we all are taught to want.